Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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