Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
