I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there was a trapeze. enough said
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
