"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
