It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
