I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
