and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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