He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
