just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
