I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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