Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
