i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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