We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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