I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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