its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
