We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
