Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
