I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
