First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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