I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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