babies were throwing up all over the place
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize