My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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