What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
