I love black thongs
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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