I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
