Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize