So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
