Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
