Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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