When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
