Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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