I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My cat gives me a boner
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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