??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
