is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
