I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize