and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
