There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
