i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
