I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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