You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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