Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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