I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
