Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
