i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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