Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
