Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
