Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
