Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
