Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
