And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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