I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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