I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
