This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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