I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
