I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
