oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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