stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.