Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
